In General..
From day to day I usually have the same emotions: upset, tired, cranky, but happiness is something I lack...
I haven't been happy in God knows how long. If i have been happy it was only temporary and it wasn't long enough to make me feel like i was on top of the world. The last time i can remember being happy was when i told this guy how i really felt about him and the bad thing about that was was that i cried in the process, but I was happy to finally get something like that off my chest. Being upset has to be my dominant emotion. Why? I have no one to vent to. Yeah i write in a diary, but sometimes I just want someone to talk to. There's my cousin but i hardly see/talk to her because she's always competing and she's barely in NY. There's a friend of mine but knowing her she'd say something and i'd totally forget about it...
I'm tired of crying myself to sleep day and night for not being happy. I'm ridiculously sensitvie and a worry wart, I know. I've been called it like my whole life. I know i'm in that age range where you can be "really emotional" and love hurts. Yeah i may be young but i'm not stupid. I know what love is and i can definitely say i'm in love with this guy. Only thing is...I don't know how he feels about me. He says he loves me, but saying it and meaning it are two different things right? He does some things that make me feel like "yeah he loves you so stop worrying about it." Then out of the blue something hits me and its like "he can give a crap about you" and " there's no use in feeling something for a guy who doesn't love you." but those feelings...they're something you just can't throw away...
Anyone, i don't care who, I need someone to talk to...I can't just sit there venting out into a notebook, it helps but i just need a person...
